Dealing with people is not always easy. In fact, sometimes it can be so frustrating that it can lead to depression and most of our day to day problems arise because we’re bad at handling people. We go into the arguments create conflicts and end up feeling miserable so I thought in this article, I’m going to share with you three most important social skills that I think everyone should master. So let’s get started.
How To Be A Good Listener
A lot of us are really bad at listening. We love expressing our opinions and speaking out even if we have to interrupt. That’s why we’re always focused on responding to other people and not trying to understand them because we often confuse listening with hearing. Listening is much more than hearing, listening means trying to understand and look at the situation from the perspective of the other person that you are talking to and a lack of this skill is probably the source of most of our social problems.
Listen with the intention to learn
When you listen with the intention to learn, things will completely change. You start looking at the situation with a completely different will because now you’re not trying to impose what you already know but you are trying to learn something new. If it’s an argument with someone then you will try to put yourself in the shoes of the other person and learn why the other person is having a different opinion. Maybe you’re wrong, maybe there are things that you don’t know, haven’t realized yet and you will never see them as long as you are listening to respond not to learn. Approaching any conversation or argument with this method changes everything around.
Send a clear message not to show off
It’s not only about you trying to learn something but actually, send a clear message to the other person that you’re not here to show off or to prove that you are better in some way. That you’re here to learn and in return it will push him to deal with you in the same way. To leave aside this ego and approach the situation in a more rational way, and you will save a lot of time if that would have been wasted on useless arguments. Secondly, you will learn something new, it is a win-win situation for both sides. But someone has to start it and the other person in most of the cases will follow up.
How To Quickly Find A Common Interest
Something that most of us is really good at is in finding differences and that’s something normal because we’re all different. We come from different backgrounds, different places, different families, we like different things and hate different things. No, we have different interests but what’s common among everyone is, we like people who like what we like. People who are interested in the same things that we are interested in. We quickly find a common language with them and become friends. That’s probably the reason why we became friends in the first place.
Look at the circle of your friends
Look at the circle of your friends, were they the people who are interested in the same thing that you are interested in, right? And that’s something very crucial to understand. Think about it if you focus on finding a common interest between you and the person you’re trying to deal with. You are quickly going to become friends and have a pretty good relationship. All that you need to do is to find what is that person is interested in that you’re also interested in. That’s all what it takes to make anyone like you and it’s instantly going to become easier to deal with that person.
Always show interest
Sometimes it’s really hard to find a common interest, but keep in mind that you can always show interest even if you’re not interested. For instance, I’m not really interested in tennis. But if I come across someone who is really interested in tennis, I’m going to show some interest to that just to create a good relationship with that person. You can do that with anyone and there is nothing wrong with that, and that it will improve your social life significantly.
How to Debate and Not Argue
As humans, we enjoy talking and sharing our ideas and opinions. But what often happens is that our opinions contradict with the opinions of others and as a result, we end up arguing and trying to prove that our opinions and ideas are more valuable.
Always your emotions in check
What we are not realizing is that emotions play a pretty big role in our life and it makes us feel inferior when someone tries to prove that if their opinions or ideas are more valuable than ours. So we try to defend ourselves even if we are wrong because right now we are not thinking rationally but rather emotionally. We start taking action as a result of how we feel, not how we think because our emotions are in charge now.
Never try to look like you are proving something
Just think about how many times you went into strong conflict with a close person to you just because you had an opposite opinion. It happens too often with us and that’s why instead of turning a conversation into an argument you should focus on keeping it as a debate. Whenever you want to change someone’s mind or you’ll find your thoughts contradict the other person you’re with never try to look as if you’re trying to prove something because that’s what usually turns a conversation into an argument. But rather try to see him as if it’s simply sharing ideas or just debating.
I’ve been talking about how to avoid a conversation into turning to an argument, which I will be telling at the end. I think these social skills are the backbone of all other social skills sometimes we do practice them consciously or unconsciously, but if we try to practice them more and more we are going to make a significant change in our social life.