I think a lot of times in society we look at introverts and say, “Hey, you’re just gonna have a lower lot in life. You’re just not gonna be able to attract the best relationships, partners, friends. You’re not gonna have the most success in business or asserting yourself in life, and you’re probably gonna be insecure and not as comfortable with yourself.” I think that it’s understandable how our society comes to this conclusion because that often is the case for introverts but in this article, I’m gonna you guys three pillars. I’m gonna basically share with you guys how you can go from having maybe not the best social skills as an introvert to becoming very successful socially. So you can really live the best possible and this is coming from someone who grew up I was totally introverted. I am still introverted and you don’t have to change and become extroverted but I learned better social skills.
Steps in Developing Your Social Skills
The first step for the journey of developing your social skills is Interrupting Strangers. Getting in high-pressure social situations on a consistent basis. The second one is Raising Your Self-Esteem and the Third one is Developing The Habit of Consistently Overcoming Fear.
This article could honestly be a 20 part series or an entire book, so we’re just going to scratch the surface here.
Approaching strangers and it sounds kind of extreme but it’s pretty simple. What I discovered is that humans, we have like kind of this biological nature that kicks in when you get approached by a stranger and it’s because we come from 150 person tribes like million years ago. Where if you meet someone who’s a stranger meaning that they’re outside of your tribe, your brain instantly kicks in and starts scanning them to understand. Are they a friend or a foe, an enemy? Or are they trying to sell you something? What’s going on?
When you approach a stranger, you’re basically flexing you’re social muscles in building them over time because you’re put into this high pressure of social situation where it’s kind of sink or swim. Win or fail. You have to basically show up and be confronted in that social interaction.
I actually took this to the next level, I ended up really making this my job, so I did door to door sales for two years where I was knocking door six days a week, cold calling on people, interrupting them and trying to sell them inexpensive product.
What comes out of this? I think, if you think about social skills and think like, okay. What actually are social skills? What does it mean when someone has a high quality social skills? Really it’s the ability to read social cues so it’s being socially aware and being able to tell what someone is thinking, feeling. Not from the words that come out of their mouth but from the energy of the environment.
Women are typically are much better at this than men. I know for myself when I started doing door-to-door sales, I was blown away when I reached the point where I could start to tell if people were telling the truth or if they were lying. That completely blew my mind, because when I was younger, I couldn’t really read social cues as well so I think that my action step for you would be to get a job if you can where you’re approaching loads of strangers or where you’re having to interact with new people on a consistent basis.
If you can’t get a job, if you work in a computer program or something where you’re by yourself most of the time, I would recommend outside of your job to really push yourself to say hello to everyone that you pass, to smile at people, to engage with everyone you come across, to basically build your social muscles.
Developing a Higher Self-esteem
What is self-esteem? Self-esteem is essentially how much you like and respect yourself. It’s how much you love and accept yourself, and it’s how much you understand and have compassion for yourself. The higher your self-esteem really, the happier you are in life. But it also leads to much better social skills.
A personal story related to this was I actually, I had a pretty decent social skills when I was younger. When I was a teenager I developed a chronic acne condition which I’ve talked about in other articles and I basically lost all confidence in desire to talk to people. So I ended up going on this deep journey where I discovered fruits, detoxification, raw foods and I was able to not only clear my skin but it also raised my self-esteem dramatically. Because I was taking such good care of myself and putting so much self-love and acceptance into myself.
When I came out of it my social skills didn’t improve that much. I mean I was still a teenager, but what I found was the way that people were completely differently. The quality of friends, the quality of girls that were interested in me. There’s just the quality of interactions that I had improved so much because I liked and respect myself so much more.
A great example is if you, like basically one of my favorite quotes is “People always take you at your own self-assessment”, so we’re always telling people who and what we are. It’s not the words that we’re speaking it’s really the body language is really the underlying everything beneath the words. We’re always teaching people who we are and it’s like if you get approached by a homeless person and they’re asking for money or cigarettes or something before they even say the words that are coming out of their mouths you can kind of tell that they’re asking to take rather than give.
But on the other hand, if you get approached by an individual who has high self-esteem oftentimes you’ll stop dead in your tracks and you’ll say wait a second this person has something important to tell me. So developing your self-esteem also means that you tend to attract into get into relationships with people who have a similar level of self esteem. So if you raise your self-esteem you’re gonna end up attracting higher-quality partners, friends, business relationships, and everything.
So I can’t really go into how to build your self-esteem in this article but my biggest recommendation would be to pick up a book by Louise Hay. I’ll link below, “You Can Heal Your Life”, and that is one of the best ways to raise your self-esteem is to check out her work. It’s a good way to do that.
Consistently Overcoming Fear
So the next step the last step is developing the habit of consistently overcoming fear. I’ve talked about this in other articles but one of the best ways to achieve any of your goals is to learn how to overcome fear. Because any time you’re trying something new anytime you need to approach someone, and anytime you need to do anything to accomplish any goal, you’re always going to be scared. The best way that I learned how to overcome fear was through meditation. The reason being that in meditation, you learn how to tap into your body and you learn about physical sensations and how they relate to emotions. You discover that fear.
What is fear? Fear is actually an uncomfortable sensation that we’re feeling in our body that we’re resisting. So if you need to approach someone for a business deal, if you’re doing a cold call, or if you need to approach someone that you’re interested in romantically, you’re always going to feel fear. But the key is learning how to relax into your body. To feel the sensations that are uncomfortable and that you’re resisting, and to take action anyways. So it’s kind of like jumping in cold water or ripping a band-aid off. It’s you know that it’s gonna suck but you just take action in spite of that so you feel the fear and take action anyway. I think there’s a book with the same title.